Okaaaaaaaayyyy.. sooo my coooompuuuuuuuuuter was soooo slow today, but for once, i was sooo very thankful for the raaaainn, and oh there was alot of it! I got so much done! But when the sun returns, you can bet your bottoms that the Gendron crew will be out rollin' in the grass racing and just embracing the wonderful stage of toddlerhood-mommyhood..

Here a a few shots from Kevin & Deanna Brown's wedding July 11, 2008..

Congrats you guys! I love you and am sooo very happy to have you in our lives! ANNND I CANT WAIT TILL YOU HAVE WITTLE "D'S" AND WITTLE "BROWNS" TO BLESS THIS WORLD!
BE BLESSED!
*J

to be loved you have to give love.
if i love others they'll love me back
treat others how you would like to be treated..
well, the realism of my adult hood i've come to realize is as of
year ago or so, give love and they keep taking
loving others sucks you dry
treating people how you want to be treated just leaves you hanging.
I realize that in the Christian walk, we just give give give and love unconditionally and
we are not supposed to expect anything back..
but im selfish
and i feel bone dry
lonley, and full of regrets
and on the other hand i know its just maybe some baby blues a little late.
but all i can dream of, is me and Maive, on a desserted island, in our little toga thingys all cute,
sippin coconut milk and other pretty drinks with umbrellas and such.. and nobody else, just me and my shmooopie snuggling in a white hammock, sunlight and leaf shadows dancing over our faces.
I feel like she is the only thing in this world that makes me feel anything. I feel so loved by her
and i adore how we just connect, eye to eye, heart to heart, she's so tender and just nestles in to you. I dont want this time to end, ever.. i wish it'd go on and on... just me and her, and her tinyness.. babies grow to fast.
I'm tired I guess, weepy, nostaligic..
im selfish
unappreciative
and american...

i think that went over my head.. again..

I've been sleeping great and all..
but still finding that i feel as if me brain is hanging off my ear lobe.
Momnesia in it's fullest.
I'm having the most difficult time understanding people latley.
Not like there talking to fast, or with a stutter or lisp understanding, but like i guess, i dont know..
More like the words in their sentences are like scrambled somewhat, and while they continue on explaining themselves or the story I'm thinking wait a minute what? But I hate asking people to repeat themselves again.
Just take note to yourself, dont "hint to me" things, dont play the read between the lines, hope I catch your drift game. If you have something to say don't hold back, just say it, dont waste my time making things poetic either please?
Otherwise you'll hang up with me angry that I'm clueless and is she that "blonde"? And i'll find myself 3 months down the road in the shower all of a sudden thinking of that conversation and realizing what the true intention, or meaning it was you were trying to get across to me was and i was jsut listening to the words coming out of your mouth, not the real thing you were wanting to say. Communication, why is it so hard?
and why do some select peoples, have no problem doing so, but thrive on it so negativley..
gossip..
That's all I have to say.
I'm feeling a bit hurt, but just wanted you all to know, those of you who read that is, to just be straight up with me, if theres something you want me to know, tell me.. okay... life's short.
in the meantime.. .... .... i need to make some new friends..

She has returned...

Ahhh.. the creativity bug has bitten again.
All of a sudden I have all these ideas to try, and my brain is in full swing of all things photography related once more..
i love it!
sometimes i hate it because it makes me discontent..
but im thankful for the "eye"
for the software
and some time now and then to myself
and for now, these shall suffice!

Love,
Julie

ahhhhh...

So I've been pretty excited to be able to finally get back together with old friends.
They are the best!
I am so happy Shawn wants to go back up to be with the Spencers, Freshwaters, Fluger and Underwood families.
I love being able to drive and to go down the roads I know so well!
And the company of great friends. I've missed so much!
These people are soo true, caring and genuine and truly Christ like.
They're those people in which the bible states that when they meet God he will tell them
"Well done, good and faithful servant."
They are the people that when for some odd reason they've seemingly fell off the face of the planet, I believe that will mean the rapture has occurred.
I've always wanted to be more like the Spencer girls. They are so pure and genuine. They are soft spoken and sweet and its all natural for them. It's just who they are, with no effort.
They know all there is to cooking, baking and sewing. When we were younger we used to get lost on the "land" and just appreciate nature so much. In the winter time we'd collect maple syrup. All bundled up scarves and all, smiling at each other with red cheeks and squinty eyes. The huge maple tree that looks like something out of Lord of the Rings and the swings from the branches. The view from Spencer's mountain, the gatherings, the fall with cider and hot cocoa, doughnuts and such.
Gail has always addressed me as her daughter explaining that they adopted me.
Elizabeth, Sharon and Laura have always called me their sister.
The hugs they give have this amazing ability. They are real hugs
So warm and just loving, when you leave for the day you carry back to Binghamton with you this abundant feeling, this filled up, cupeth overflow feeling. That you are just so loved, and I know this love comes from Jesus.. through them.. I think I've seen Christ in their eyes, and actions.

I've missed it all, but if things go right, my kids will now be able to enjoy it with me!
I've known the spencer girls for 11 years and my fondest memories are because I was able to hold on to some of my childhood in knowing them. I they held on to purity and innocense for so long. When we got together we were playing in the snow outside like little kids, inside games by the stove and talking about silly things, playing dress up, curling hair....
I'm so glad they are all back in our lives and I'm so relieved, excited and such to know that my own children will be able to grow up knowing people who carry themselves with great integrity, with holyness and wholey and completley live their lives according to God. They walk in Jesus and Jesus is their whole heart. I am so thankful they at this young age I could meet such special people who are hard to come by! I am a lucky girl, my family is blessed by thier friendships.

Your dose of birth control!

Last week Maive got her 2 month dose of 4 shots in less than 30 seconds, and unlike Aiva and Aidan she has had quite the "reaction" from them.
She’s still my sweet smiley angel just dealing with some bodily issues..
so this morning i awake with shawn to begin the 5:30am... and as I get coffee started i hear the beginning of a seemingly never ending cry.. poor Maive, the most amazingly manly loud noises began to come from her wee baby butt, and with each release of explosive baby gas, she shreaked in pain, which for a mom, who really cant comfort her in any way but to let it pass, is exasperating..
this went on for about an hour, she is finally through that bout of rear end issues and is now sleeping peacefully after 3 hours in her bassinet...
Aiva had come down during the course of all this and thankfully distracted our nuclear reactor of energy called "Tana" ( Montana ) the border collie from jumping on me and following me around as I pace the house with Maive in my arms.. Aiva has her first cold of the season. Thankfully its nothing big, no fever, no complaining, just swollen eyes and a raspy voice, otherwise she’s normal, coloring, dancing and playing, just a tad clumsy.
So I get Maive down check on Aidan who is still fast asleep, trusty grubby puppy in arms and jump in for a nice warm shower to get refreshed and hopefully "restart" this day. Well, the water was not nice. It wasnt cold, it wasnt hot, it was warm but not warm enough, I had goosebumps all over. Again i came to find that Shawn had turned the temp down on the water heater. I got dressed and huddled next to the stove for a minute remembering I need to pump Maive some boob milk. I get started and then hear aidan finally awake, upstairs, i call up to him "Mommie’s got five more minutes i’ll be up soon!"

I finished up and ran up the stairs to retrieve my red head, only to find his poopy filled diaper on the floor, and him sitting in his crib head down afraid to look up, poop all over his big red elmo and all over his legs, socks, butt, back and crib sheet..
I lifted him out careful to hold him out from me and under his armpits as to not get any poopy on me, i mean come on! I actually showered this morning!! and raced him downstairs to the bathroom to wipe him down and get him in the tub and start the washer. Meanwhile in passing Tana is runnin up stairs to which she knows she’s not allowed!
I got Aidan cleaned and in the tub, ran up and got all the feced covered stuff only to find the dog nosing around with the diaper, and then I lost it, I went to the second story kids bedroom window and started pulling it down turned to retrieve the dog only to stop myself in knowing i couldnt throw her out, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. ( Yesterday she snapped her collar got loose, then ripped holes all around our screened in back porch ) I was not happy and neither was Shawn, she pretty much is a great dog and listens but we think she’s making us pay for leaving her in the kennell all day Easter Sunday and then all that night.
So yes, this is how my morning has started.
Time for some breakfast and focused breathing.. and a few more washings of that one load! Thank God for washing machines and dryers, bathtubs, and the internet to vent on.
If you are thinking of having kids, or have kids and want more, I hope this gives you some insight!

love,
j

Sweet sleep!

I got such an awesome nights sleep last night.
Feeling very refreshed this sunny morning.
It's still cold outside, but I am so ready for this day!
Excersizing! Blasting some music while the kids are upstairs!
Spring cleaning and going to visit Shawn on his lunch break!
It's going to be a wonderful day!
I love when I feel like this, I'm a nice person, im unstoppable, irresistable ;oP and
INVINCIBLE!